Oh my god. Has my brother been doing some… very odd moonlighting?

Sunday at 1 AM, just after I’d gone to bed all smiley and amused after Tina Fey’s guest appearance on SNL as Sarah Palin, I heard a big crash outside. Sure enough, the evil crossroads had lured another hapless motorist to certain doom. Or at least to an unpleasant encounter with a lamppost. Sirens and flashing lights followed, and just as predictably, everyone in my building went out onto their balconies or lawns to gawk. (Me included.) The ambulance left without loading anyone into the back so I assume there were no serious injuries. But what is it about that intersection? Is it really that confusing to figure out where you want to go? Or is the thing simply bloodthirsty?

I may have been watching too many horror movies lately.

Speaking of… Hellraiser is nothing like I thought it would be. It’s pretty boring. Ditto for Nosferatu but that one you have to forgive — it was made it 1922, for god’s sake. Over the weekend I also watched Raising Arizona, which I had on good authority was an excellent movie, and now I can never speak to those people again because no. I thought I could put up with Nicolas Cage for the sake of Holly Hunter but she wasn’t even in it enough to make it worthwhile.

I went to my beloved video store today and once again carried off some used VHS tapes (3 for $10) because I apparently feel it is my personal responsibility to take all that clearance-priced stock off their hands, a bit at a time. Today’s selections:

• Adventures in Babysitting – A 1987 stinker that I for some reason fell totally in love with as a kid. Not one I watched over and over again, like Annie or Neverending Story, but one I always thought of with affection. We’ll see whether or not I can even sit through it as an adult.
• Foxfire – Another movie that has great sentimental value to me, though I suspect I will not actually like it when I see it again. But I’m saving it to watch with Tammy anyway (as we agreed) so who knows when that will be?
• Being John Malkovitch — Okay, this is actually a really good movie. Mock me for the other two if you must, but Malkovitch deserves better.

So today I’m going to tell you about two scary things.

1. Last week I dreamed that Justin Timberlake was trying to get me pregnant. Now, for many people, this would be a wonderful dream, but for me it was a nightmare. Above and beyond the fact that, hello, Justin Timberlake, it was a very violent scenario. He was holding me captive somewhere, having beaten me up and broken my arm, and the means by which he was attempting to achieve his evil goal was not his own organic… um, organ, but instead a GIANT GLASS SYRINGE. WTF.

Obviously the knocking-up part of this comes from the fact that two of my work friends are preggo (and due on the same day, coincidentally) and three other coworkers have grandkids on the way. And I guess I have only myself to blame that JT is even in my subconscious at all. So, boo me.

2. I am dying to see a movie called Killer Workout.

I found out about this from a horror movie blog I’ve been reading lately, but you’d never know it was horror from watching this — music video? Clip? Whatever. Except maybe at the end, where all of a sudden the music goes all dunh dunh DUNH. But until then it kind of looks like really boring soft-core porn.

In related news, I recently bought a sweatband, not unlike the ones sported by the aerobimbos in the clip. But I don’t also wear giant hoop earrings to work out. Or a leotard. Or a metallic belt over a leotard. But I’ve never been one to keep up with the latest fashion trends.