Star Wars explained by a 3-year-old — This cracks me up because it could easily be Julia. Although Julia would probably have a slightly different interpretation of the facts. There’s a reason we always ask her what colour the sky is in her world. Now I really want to ask her to tell me the story of Star Wars and videotape it; I think it could be very funny.

After Chelsea Handler, Dave started in on me about Kathy Griffin. He said I would love her standup and I should definitely check her out. I waffled — nothing about her has ever grabbed me. But it turns out he was dead right. She is right up my alley and here’s why:

1. She talks shit about other people.
2. She’s a major friend of the gays.
3. She swears a lot.
4. She will say anything. Anything.

This YouTube user has posted a bunch of her specials and they’re all funny. Now you know I can’t stand reality TV, but I actually rented My Life on the D-List this weekend. The reality part mostly bores me but I enjoy the bits of standup and the captions they use to identify people (“Dennis: Kathy’s Main Gay”, “Some Hot-Shot’s Assistant”, “Mike: Live-in Gay Visionary”).

She’s not just a funny lady. She’s also a hard-hitting investigative journalist who will stop at nothing to get to the truth!

“Whore red? Or slut red?”

I know she’ll appreciate this.

“I’m not quite sure what Colin Firth’s wife Livia Giuggioli is wearing here.”